It is not uncommon anymore to hear of or know some individuals with "Mental Illness." Typically these individuals are described as "odd, out of control, hyper, sad, disturbed, mean, anti-social, dumb, impulsive, etc. If they are children the first thing you hear is "that parent does not have control, the parent is too strict, they are really messing that kid up, that child will never be allowed to play with my child, or I could make that child follow the rules." As a parent having two children with mental health issues I really want to say, "I would give you one night in my home on a "rough night" and I can guarantee you would take off running out the door and never look back!!
You see my husband and I adopted two little girls. We were told they were "typically developing children with no issues." However, that was not the case...and before I can go any further let me just say I WOULD NOT change my beautiful girls for anything in the world!! I do not look back and dream about what could have been but I look forward to what will be :-)
Our little girls were not typically developing they were quite delayed actually and they also had numerous behavior problems. Our youngest has ADHD and I honestly will not be surprised if she does not have some learning disabilities when formal testing can be done. Her sister has ADD, NOS Mood Disorder and PTSD. She also struggles with learning in some areas.
I can tell you being a mother of children with these issues can be exhausting, overwhelming, depressing, scary, and also the most rewarding. The most frustrating part for me is to see all the wonderful qualities in my children but many people only get to see their "bad" qualities. The qualities that make them say, "that parent does not have control, the parent is too strict, they are really messing that kid up, that child will never be allowed to play with my child, or I could make that child follow the rules." I want to say...bring it on!! Yes, I have made mistakes in parenting. However, parenting children with these illnesses do not come with a fail proof manual. What I have found is not one parenting class, book, social worker or psychologist has all the right answers but it is a combination of all of that and A LOT of prayer.
My prayers are that people who happen to see a child who is "out of control" will stop before judging the child and/or parents. It is not an illness/disease you will be able to see like others but one that is just as debilitating. Please know this child can not often control what they do, they are not meaning to act the way they do, and most importantly they want and need to be accepted just as other children are accepted. Do not feel sorry for the children/parents but offer support.
If you are a teacher do not go to the break room and talk about the "terror" you have in your classroom that ruins learning for everyone else instead talk about what you can do to help the child. Yes they are a challenge but your job is to educate all children not the ones that are easy to educate. (This has not happened to my knowledge with my children but I do know it happens.)
My heart aches every time they tell me they don't have friends or another child will tell me "My mommy says I can't play with her." These girls bring me so much joy to my life. I will continue to be their number one advocate and do all I can to help them reach their fullest potential.
anyone that judges (about anything) comes from a place of ignorance. The only way to come against it is to expose them to it and give them understanding. Thanks for doing that. It makes my heart happy every time the girls come to pick up their sister from dance!
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